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"If it is good for your heart it should be good for the car."

Farrah Penn • 2 hours ago

"Daddy, when we get home do I have to go to bed straightaway?"

Do you hear those wedding bells?!

Farrah Penn • 30 minutes ago

These people really exist.

Dave Stopera • 5 hours ago

The future seemed SO REAL.

Dave Stopera • 11 hours ago

That wearing heels while running makes sense.

The weather outside is frightful, but Twitter is so delightful.

"Sorry, I can't."

Dave Stopera • 30 minutes ago

Our daughter cried because she didn't get to go to her parents' wedding — seven years before she was born."

"Women do not look in the mirror and compare their breasts to fruit."

A show within a show.

You've been there, trust me.

Nothing is more hot, cute, or sexy than soup!

"Can we fire Laurel?" — sent to Laurel, by accident.

Might as well laugh, right?

No joke, this is the American dream for some people.

Featuring savage moms.

Every millennial on Earth falls into one of these six categories.

Perfecto.

It's true.

Kids are so very cute and so very dumb.

*Kisses fingers* Buenissmo!

"Your parents are literally the worst part of my job."

Thin and thick, big and small, there are all kinds!

"My husband and I told our kids Barney died so we wouldn’t have to watch it anymore."

You are not alone.

He wasn't born Childish Gambino, after all!

They just are.

"HOLY SHIT, KIERAN IS NOMINATED???"

"Actually, I think I'm gonna sit this one out. i’ll see y’all in 2020."

The "bag of frozen peas" thing is very real.

Pour the milk, then pour the cereal.

Just imagine if this happened to you on your wedding day.

"My dad once grounded me, and in order to be free and able to hang out with friends, I had to complete a 1,000 piece puzzle."

These kids are goin' places.

Bless these dads.

VACCINATE YOUR KIDS, PEOPLE.

This is painful.

"If Beyoncé performs at my wedding, y'all are buying tickets to get in."

Ouch!

"Why do airplane tickets have to be so expensive?! Having separate continents is so stupid. Retweet if you miss Pangaea."

Heroes.

Naaaaaailed it.

Why did we do these???

I love you, Arwen.

Improvise. Adapt. Overcome?

You are 100% definitely one of these types and we're gonna get it right the first time, just you wait and see!

"Pumpkin patches, so you can pay $50 for kids activities like, 'here, pet this goat' and 'chip your tooth in this overcrowded bouncy house.'”

They're awful!

To quote Hannah Montana...nobody's perfect.

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